Another one of my unattached widower friends has joined the world of the attached. He met her at church shortly before COVID-19, and everything seems to be going well with these two Catholics.
She has a couple twenty-something children and he has three grown boys. Although there is not much they can do to pass the time together during COVID (or so he says), they keep each other company. The relationship has eased their loneliness, and he is finding comfort with this new partner.
He and I were always just friends starting during the end of his wife’s illness. After she died, he reached out to me to further our friendship. With my serious illness, it was clear this would never be more than a casual friendship.
Matt, we will call him, is a good guy although extremely politically conservative. We share values though and raised our children similarly. I liked his wife; I’m not sure how he felt about my husband. His wife died three years ago; my husband has been gone eight and a half years. Both our spouses died of different kinds of brain cancer.
He invited me over for a swim in his pool and made me lunch one summer weekday. It was pleasant. He said, “Remember when I told you I would tell you if I started dating someone? Well, I’m dating someone.”
He went on to say this relationship would not impact our friendship. Our bond as widows and friends is important to him. He said to call him soon for a bike ride.
I said I would, but I haven’t. I’m not sure our friendship will stay the same. We used to go to lunch and drive around the city looking for new spots to check out. We walked and rode bikes. We would have beers. He spent many hours at my house making repairs. I made him meals of thankfulness.
But now I’m getting sicker. My cancer has leapt from a multitude of bones to small mounds of soft tissue in the liver and lungs. Overall, I don’t feel great. I long for how I used to feel. But better days could be on the docket. I am hopeful as a new treatment is about to start. As for Matt with his partner, he is smiling more frequently.
I’m happy for him.
LifeAfterWidowhood 
Dear Marti; Your heartfelt essays remain in my thoughts. Due to covid19 all of us have had difficulty socially reaching out to friends when being in close contact was tabu. Isolation itself causes havoc with mind and body. You are a trooper and survivor with an excellent support system in family, friends and medical. Your writing is a gift in expressing your troubles and fears. I believe depression is at the root of most pain during this epidemic, and I am glad you have sought help thru Zoom counseling and medication. In one month your daughter, Molly’s wedding will throw your emotions amok 😳but we will be blissful 🤗with you. Lets cry together in celebration!❤️🍸😹
Thanks, Louise. I will be crying when my darling daughter gets married. Glad you and Dick will be there. Another milestone event without Tom.
I know the presumed loss of a friend is hard for you but hope that he sticks to his promise and does see you. He may not want this new relationship to be full time and if he enjoys your company may very well still want to seek it. Don’t give up on it yet.
I am sorry to hear the cancer is yet again rearing its ugly head in what appears to be another area. I pray for you all the time and will keep on doing it in hopes “those better days are ahead” for you.
Love, Karen