Keep your weaknesses to yourself

The last time I was on an online dating site, I came across a guy who was funny, witty, literate and interesting. It was refreshing and rare.

After several email notes back and forth about his career as a criminal defense attorney, which I took to mean he likely is a liberal, he disclosed to me he just beat cancer. It was serious cancer — liver and esophagus — and his future looked bleak. But he had these great doctors who got rid of all the cancer. He was cured.

I was stunned with this personal disclosure as here I am with my own cancer — very different than his but still scary. I weighed if I should provide such private info on an online dating site. But, hey I thought, he did. We had cancer in common.

So I told him. I didn’t provide details just a quick overview, thinking, that if nothing else, we had a connection with this illness. He sent me back an email giving me everyone of his doctors’ names and the hospital and the treatment and how I should call one particular doctor who saved his life.

Here’s the kicker: After my disclosure, he sharply said we should be friends, just friends. And then he disappeared. WTF! So apparently this dude who appeared to have it together ended up being a jerk. It was OK for him to disclose his illness, but when I did — just a little bit — he wigged out.

I learned from that one that being honest online does not pay off or I learned that being honest brings out the real character of another person. It was a miserable experience, but one that us widows, or divorcees, have to be ready for if we want to have a run in the dating world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About Marti Benedetti

I'm a longtime writer and a widow. I want to share my thoughts and experiences of being single in my 50s and beyond after being married to the same man and raising kids for 28 years. It's not the journey I signed up for, but the one I'm living with. I hope I can offer up some thoughts, chuckles and comfort for those in a similar boat.
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2 Responses to Keep your weaknesses to yourself

  1. Karen Mantyk says:

    I am so sorry to hear of this experience. That was about as cruel and as self observed a reaction as I can think of.

    I did do a bit of on line (searching never actually dated anyone) while I was single and don’t recall having much luck with it, although I didn’t do it for to long. I guess it is a lesson learned but hope you don’t give up on trying and on being honest as I just think that is the best policy to build any sort of relationship upon which I know you want versus just a few dates.

  2. Thanks Karen. My online experiences have provided fodder for amusing blogs.

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