A few months ago during an uneventful day of a long cancer recuperation, I came across four roles of undeveloped film in Tom’s former junk drawer. What the heck is on these roles? Why did Tom save these color and black and white film roles for such a long time? Why didn’t he get them developed?
I’ve given more thought to this film than I should. Meanwhile, the film roles remain on a shelf in my hallway and I don’t know what to do with them. My options: I could throw them out and forget about it. I could get them developed and get upset by something Tom took photos of years ago. I may get mad at Tom five years after he died, which would be stupid.
I haven’t got them developed because I’m afraid to see what is on them. These could go back to Tom’s single years before he met me. No problem. They could be from our crazy four-year up and down relationship, which included him seeing other women and me other men. I could deal with that.
Or they might be from when we were married. That would upset me.
If I had to guess their origin, I’d say during our rocky, long-distance relationship before marriage. Those were the years we still were putting film in our Nikon cameras both for our newspaper jobs and for our personal lives. So I know they are old.
But what if it is women I don’t know and didn’t know about during our early marriage? Why cause myself the misery of even knowing this.
Still, it’s hard to toss those rolls in the trash. What should I do?