Four Rolls of Film

A few months ago during an uneventful day of a long cancer recuperation, I came across four roles of undeveloped film in Tom’s former junk drawer. What the heck is on these roles? Why did Tom save these color and black and white film roles for such a long time? Why didn’t he get them developed?

I’ve given more thought to this film than I should. Meanwhile, the film roles remain on a shelf in my hallway and I don’t know what to do with them. My options: I could throw them out and forget about it. I could get them developed and get upset by something Tom took photos of years ago. I may get mad at Tom five years after he died, which would be stupid.

I haven’t got them developed because I’m afraid to see what is on them. These could go back to Tom’s single years before he met me. No problem. They could be from our crazy four-year up and down relationship, which included him seeing other women and me other men. I could deal with that.

Or they might be from when we were married. That would upset me.

If I had to guess their origin, I’d say during our rocky, long-distance relationship before marriage. Those were the years we still were putting film in our Nikon cameras both for our newspaper jobs and for our personal lives. So I know they are old.

But what if it is women I don’t know and didn’t know about during our early marriage? Why cause myself the misery of even knowing this.

Still, it’s hard to toss those rolls in the trash. What should I do?

 

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About Marti Benedetti

I'm a longtime writer and a widow. I want to share my thoughts and experiences of being single in my 50s and beyond after being married to the same man and raising kids for 28 years. It's not the journey I signed up for, but the one I'm living with. I hope I can offer up some thoughts, chuckles and comfort for those in a similar boat.
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5 Responses to Four Rolls of Film

  1. Chris says:

    I will get them developed for you and keep you posted

  2. Well, to be honest, I’m not sure if these rolls have photos on them or Tom saved them because they are unused. They have the roll flaps sticking out.

  3. Thanks for that info. I wasn’t sure. They are in the trash.

  4. Karen Mantyk says:

    I have been away so didn’t see this post until today. I think you made the right choice as I am certain if they were important to your life with Tom they would have been developed long ago. xo

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