Feeling more a part of the singles’ world

Since summer, I have been slowly moving in a new direction, and only recently realized it. I’ve made several new friends — male and female — and all of them are single.

Sometimes, I feel bad that I only occasionally see my long-time, married friends. These are the people who were at my side during my husband’s sickness, the miserable first year  of widowhood and the unexpected, wretched open heart surgery. These are the folks who encouraged me to go to a movie or get a drink or take a hike when I felt low. They stayed positive when my life was most grim.

But now I see the process of moving away from the married couples and hanging more with the singles as natural and inevitable. I think they see it too. Heck, one married friend said she knew this would happen before I did.

The singles circles I find myself in lately are fun loving and seem to be enjoying themselves. I met most of them bike riding downtown and being introduced by them to other singles. A couple of the guys I met online, but there’s no romance, just friendships.

My book club now is more single than married. So is a book-to-movie club I joined this year. Almost none of the singles I’ve met are widows; all are divorced. But that is fine. Some of these singles have partnered up with other singles, but that doesn’t bother me most of the time.

My new singles world is made up of fifty and sixty somethings. They typically live in the city, are urban cyclists and often share the same city-based activities each week. The Detroit events are plentiful and varied and carefully posted on specific Facebook pages. Once I became Facebook friends with one of the singles, I’m being prompted to friend others in this crowd — even some I don’t know but have heard about.

In fact, sometimes it gets a bit incestuous seeing these same people at the same places. But it’s comforting as well. Gallery openings, concerts, new bar or restaurant reveals, organized bike rides and offbeat exhibitions draw this same group of singles. I could even attend this stuff by myself because there is sure to be someone I know. But I don’t; I’m still kind of hung up on going out alone.

What will happen over time with this? I don’t know. I suspect the infusion of older people moving to the city’s fast-gentrifying  downtown neighborhoods will continue. I hear people talk about how they sold the suburban family house, moved downtown and prefer the downtown lifestyle now.

I’m not sure yet, but I may try it eventually.


About Marti Benedetti

I'm a longtime writer and a widow. I want to share my thoughts and experiences of being single in my 50s and beyond after being married to the same man and raising kids for 28 years. It's not the journey I signed up for, but the one I'm living with. I hope I can offer up some thoughts, chuckles and comfort for those in a similar boat.
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4 Responses to Feeling more a part of the singles’ world

  1. Karen Mantyk says:

    Glad to hear you are doing well and keeping busy. You seem to really be at peace
    with what you are doing and with yourself. It sounds like you have found the right fit for you amd I am very happy for you. Now that you are really busy and out there doing lot’s of new things, it is probably the time that the special person you have been looking for will come into your life, at least I hope so. xo

  2. Raye Holden says:

    Marti –

    I just lost my husband to cancer in June. A mutual friend alerted me to your blog and I’ve truly enjoyed it. Your most recent post surprised me as I didn’t anticipate moving from a predominantly couple’s world and then transitioning over time to spending more time with singles. Everyone I know is married. I too have had tremendous support from all the couples my husband and I knew. It amazed me that I had very positive dinners with great conversation with three different couples within the first month of my husband’s passing. But now four months later it occurs to me, where did they all go? Was it you that chose to seek out single people or was it the only path remaining to take?

    • Raye: Boy, do I get where you are now. Early on, after my husband died, I, too found it comforting to be around our married friends. I felt this way for a couple of years. Earlier this year through downtown bike riding, I started meeting more single people who had a lifestyle that appealed to me. Keep in mind, I have been widowed now for 3.5 years. This singles lifestyle has evolved over time. You may or may not experience the same thing. Thanks for reading my blog! I write it to help people like us. Feel free to keep in touch!

  3. Well, cuz. We shall see. Not holding my breath. I always appreciate your positive comments.

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