Widowhood: The adjustment of eating alone

After becoming an empty-nest widow or divorcee, you come to the realization that you will be frequently eating alone. You can’t really go out to eat every night (well, I suppose some could) and getting take-out still means you are dining with yourself. So over time you adapt to solo meals.

I remember my mother, after being widowed for the second time, said what she disliked most about living alone was eating alone. She said she hated eating at the kitchen table by herself “staring at the walls.” So she took to the family room to watch TV while eating.

I’ve adopted her routine when I eat alone or sometimes I read while eating. I also call people for a catch-up chat, which is kind of like eating with someone. This adjustment is challenging after having a husband and kids to share food with for so many years.

The upside to this bleak scenario, at least for me, is you don’t have to cook much. No one is asking you what is for dinner, which I got for about 28 years. I cooked a lot and over time it became a chore to meal plan and execute. However, Tom was doing more cooking in our later years and excelled at kitchen cleanup. In fact, in our five months as empty nesters before he got sick, he was cooking more than I was and I loved it.

I’d say do whatever makes you feel better. A widow I know says she makes sure to set the table, complete with a cloth napkin and flowers, before sitting down to eat alone. If the weather is pleasant, you can eat outside. You can make dinner and invite people over.

I know I’ll have more dinner parties moving forward, and eating alone — comfortably — is just another widowhood adjustment.

 

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About Marti Benedetti

I'm a longtime writer and a widow. I want to share my thoughts and experiences of being single in my 50s and beyond after being married to the same man and raising kids for 28 years. It's not the journey I signed up for, but the one I'm living with. I hope I can offer up some thoughts, chuckles and comfort for those in a similar boat.
This entry was posted in being sick alone, eating alone, grief, living alone, single middle-age woman and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Widowhood: The adjustment of eating alone

  1. Karen Mantyk says:

    Marti: I had a similar problem. I had a hard time getting myself motivated to make dinner. So when I had those days, I poured myself a half a glass of wine and drank it while I was making something to eat. I then sat at the table and watched the news or some sort of talk show while I was eating to provide some noise and entertainment. I think calling people while you are eating is also a good idea.

    A funny story. One time while I was eating by myself, I looked across the table and my cat Charlie was sitting in the chair across from me with his head poked over the table as if he was joining me. I had a good laugh but actually it was kind of nice to have him there.

    Not suggesting you get a pet, but maybe that 1/2 glass of wine might help to make the meal feel a little more festive. and if it is red wine may even help your heart I didn’t need to do that every night but when I needed the push it did help

    Love, Cousin Karen

  2. Thanks, Karen. Appreciate your suggestions as one who has been there.

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