Couples friends: A love-hate relationship

I know a lot of couples. Most of my close friends and sister are coupled up with long-time husbands. In some ways, they are a blessing because being with them means I am not alone. But being with them also emphasizes I am alone.

I have a few widow friends and a handful of single friends, but I spend a fair amount of time with couples. It’s a necessary hazard. My couples’ friends are what got me through the year of Tom’s terminal cancer and the first year of grief. I couldn’t have survived without them.

But sometimes when I am with the couples, they bicker, and I want to yell “Stop it. Be glad you have your husband or wife.” I want to say to the women in particular “Don’t be so harsh. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And please don’t complain to me about your spouse.” I was guilty of that sometimes and regret it now.

There are times when the couples’ continued long-term togetherness makes me jealous or even resentful. I can’t help but think ‘how come they get to have their spouses and all the love and security it provides? Why did I have to be the early widow?’ Hell, when I lost my dad at 19, I thought I was protected from my husband dying too soon. Unfortunately, there is no making sense of it. I live with it and try to keep focused on what’s good in my life.

 

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About Marti Benedetti

I'm a longtime writer and a widow. I want to share my thoughts and experiences of being single in my 50s and beyond after being married to the same man and raising kids for 28 years. It's not the journey I signed up for, but the one I'm living with. I hope I can offer up some thoughts, chuckles and comfort for those in a similar boat.
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