I know a lot of couples. Most of my close friends and sister are coupled up with long-time husbands. In some ways, they are a blessing because being with them means I am not alone. But being with them also emphasizes I am alone.
I have a few widow friends and a handful of single friends, but I spend a fair amount of time with couples. It’s a necessary hazard. My couples’ friends are what got me through the year of Tom’s terminal cancer and the first year of grief. I couldn’t have survived without them.
But sometimes when I am with the couples, they bicker, and I want to yell “Stop it. Be glad you have your husband or wife.” I want to say to the women in particular “Don’t be so harsh. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And please don’t complain to me about your spouse.” I was guilty of that sometimes and regret it now.
There are times when the couples’ continued long-term togetherness makes me jealous or even resentful. I can’t help but think ‘how come they get to have their spouses and all the love and security it provides? Why did I have to be the early widow?’ Hell, when I lost my dad at 19, I thought I was protected from my husband dying too soon. Unfortunately, there is no making sense of it. I live with it and try to keep focused on what’s good in my life.